• belindatopan

Lost

I must admit my last two blogs are a bit of a mess. getting my thoughts down and trying to sound hopeful, when in fact i am going through a rough patch. No source of income and jobless can plague ones mind with fear and panic. whilst i do job search and try to start a business for web development and continue my writing, it's starting to feel a little hopeless.

i am lost. i don't have a clear path as i did before and with circumstances at home, I know i can't keep living there. but for you my dear reader it is not something for you to worry about, or do, just reading my works is enough.

I wasn't lying when I wrote about jobs in 'Living with Vampires.' they purposely seek and pay younger staff and leave the older staff out. Job security is something of the past and the only way to get is to get a government job. I for one, refuse to go back to a government job. the workplace environment is so toxic and backstabbing, i can not handle it. that is a blog post of it's own in what i went through in the last year. You think bullying only stays in school, no, it doesn't. 40 year olds can be bullies too.

it's rather fitting that i write about going against the government in the one of kind series, it has that whole punk rock aesthetic to it.

Besides, i realise full time work isn't also my thing, it is, well, depressing to me. some would say, its good, cause you can get a loan, buy a house, do other things with it. the housing market in Australia is ridiculous. The most taxed country in the world, we pay twice as much for luxury items than the rest of the world, (TVs, dvds, games, electronics) I pay $99 for a new console games and I hear overseas its $60. Our wages cannot sustain us and if we increase our wages, so does everything else, as business need to compensate for workers wages. it is a viscous cycle and one I do not see ending any time soon. we export our best produce to the rest of the world and we are getting the scraps, we pay so much in bills and tax alone, people have to work two jobs, to near death just to survive. (Rant over)

I am a dreamer. the idea to work for the rest of my life under someone else rule, is scary, terrifying even. I want to call the shots, i want to be in control of my life, my business, my ambitions and dreams. The idea to work in some office job till i die, terrifies me the most.

to me getting a job is a stepping stone, where i can still make my dreams come true to the point i can focus on them full time, and not worry about money. my dreams would be my full time job and that excites me.

They say you have to work to achieve your goals, they're not wrong but you have to work towards your goals, not someone else's.

As i finish up, I just want to say thank you, thank you for sticking around this long to read this post. I feel better as I write down my frustrations, regardless if people read it or not.

I feel like i know what needs to be done. i am still going to write, i am still going to try this web building business, I will go to Uni or tafe if i have to and find a new place.


thank you again.


Belinda


#blog #thoughts #dreams #frustration #sad



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©2020 by Belinda Topan - Australia, Brisbane

my business email - bindisbooks@gmail.com

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